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Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 9:12 am
by Triple Option
Bottom post of the previous page:
My arm hurt after I drug a huge clam across the beach.
Guess I pulled a mussel.
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2022 1:09 pm
by OU Guy
The one time you do not want to be late
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2022 10:04 am
by Triple Option
Genesis 3:19 says "for you are dust, and to dust you shall return."
That's why I never dust. Just in case it might be someone I know.
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2022 12:00 pm
by Triple Option
If there's no rain in the forecast, sometimes I leave things outside overnight, thinking they won't get wet.
But they always dew.
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2022 2:43 pm
by inconnu
Such a long thread! Okay, I'll post this just in case it isn't already up:
There's a very distant planet, thousands of light years away from earth, but it is a CARBON COPY OF EARTH, down to the most minute detail...except for one tiny detail: on that planet, it's the women that leave the toilet seats up...
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2022 7:23 am
by Triple Option
My wife sometimes compares my looks to Brad Pitt.
She'll say "You don't look anything at all like Brad Pitt."
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2022 12:30 pm
by BudaSooner
I remember, as a small child, my father would get me positioned in a tire and roll me down the hill.
That was a good year...
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2022 1:21 pm
by BudaSooner
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2022 1:25 pm
by BudaSooner
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And who was the girl you were with?"
"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Nina Capelli?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Piriano?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"
"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."
Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Four months vacation and five good leads..."
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2022 1:26 pm
by BudaSooner
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2022 1:44 pm
by White River
BudaSooner wrote: ↑Sun Jul 10, 2022 12:30 pm
I remember, as a small child, my father would get me positioned in a tire and roll me down the hill.
That was a good year...
My dad used to do the same thing but he would set the tire on fire and then I'd crash into the boulders at the bottom of the hill.
It was a good year getting fire stoned.
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2022 2:29 pm
by Triple Option
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney nearly died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2022 3:22 pm
by OU Guy
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2022 12:22 am
by Oklahombre
Back to the future...love the expression then the big smile. Old time manners.
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2022 12:24 am
by Oklahombre
Re: Off-Season, Off-Topic, and Off the Wall - (The Return) - post your favorite jokes, puns, one-liners, gifs, and memes
Posted: Sun Jul 17, 2022 12:26 am
by Oklahombre
And I can't even slice a canteloupe...
